What absence can do for presence

“Get where God is. Get Here. Choose Now. Show up for what Presence has to teach. The practice of Presence is the most powerful, peaceful and beneficial course study on this plane.” -In the words of the late Jasai Madden

Hearing about Jasai's death was a subtle wave. I saw the post on Instagram, like many of us, and I, my brain just tried to freeze it and make it wrong. It's because it said, the late Jasai I was like, late? What? Late. Late. Late.

And then went down to the comments and, realized.

And a part of me wants to sit real time with other people who knew her in various ways. ways. Like people who knew her as in they talked on the phone often. or people who knew her because she tied beads around their waist and they had a freaking divine experience. Or people who read The New Fast Girls, her book, and it changed our lives. Or we didn't talk often but the conversations that you and I had with Jasai whenever we had them, they stayed with us.

A part of me wants to gather us in real time, to share space, to grieve, to wail, to wonder. to breathe together.

And then the other part of me, which is where you meet me now, wants to be alone and together around it. So that part of me said, just share, put it out there as an invitation to other people who are moving through their own waves of grief, acknowledging, coming to terms with, or not, the news of Jasai's death.

And so that's what I'm doing.

I've been allowing myself to recall her teachings, her ways with words and Her assertive, well worded ways of reminding us of our right to peace and ease and the benefits of stillness and authenticity. Just letting her teachings live in my recalling, in my actions, in every way. I'm also hearing from and reaching out to other people who knew her in those ways that I mentioned, those various ways, and just talking about her together.

I'm letting die with Jasai the expectations or hopes about any time she and I might spend together in this realm. Collaborating, plotting, planning ideas, laughing together. You might know Jasai's laugh, big and rambunctious.

I'm letting die with Jasai the hopes of getting my waist beads treated and nurtured by her and tied by her.

I'm letting die with Jasai the podcast that her and Stori created and poured into already. I'm letting die with Jasai. my intentions of listening to those episodes in bulk and reaching out to her to tell her what it sparked and sharing episodes with my daughters

I'm letting those things die, and I'm letting what remains, remain. And so much of her wisdom and work. And as Thea was saying to me the other day, the archives of Jasai's work live in her own writings, and in her own knots, and bead choices, and string and all of the things that were touched by her. And the stories she told, and who she raised, and how she raised our vibrations in so many ways.

I'm letting that remain and celebrating that those things will remain.

I'm letting be, for now, any sense of unfairness or curiosity or sense of urgency about what and why, how she died, what caused it, who caused it. You know, all these things swirling around in my head, I'm letting that be for now. It's just here. It's not something I need to tend to or solve or bring to anyone.

I'm just letting it be, while I remember her, and bring so much value and joy and realization that Jasai is so much more than that she died.